Manage Your Emotions As Well As Your Business Or Risk A Meltdown

By Jerry Osteryoung
SPECIAL TO THE TLH DEMOCRAT
January 17, 2008

A very good entrepreneur managed his business by maintaining his emotional composure no matter what was happening around him.

For example, if an employee sued him for some ridiculous reason, he never expressed how angry he really felt about the lawsuit. When his competitor underpriced him on a major client, he just acted unaffected. If he got mad at a staff member, he would just boil inside without venting any of these negative emotions.

Unfortunately, about six months ago, he had a heart attack that really shook his world. As he was recovering, he had plenty of time to think about his life, family and business. One day during this recovery, it occurred to him that much of the stress and anger he felt was because he just could not express his emotions, especially to his staff and family.

Another entrepreneur we're working with has started to gain weight. He refuses to exercise and does not feel well. About two months ago, a key staff member — one who he thought was totally committed to him and his firm — resigned. Ever since, he has felt so angry with this former employee that he cannot let it go. He has these furious feelings that he cannot vent, and they are injuring his health.

It is critical to learn how to appropriately vent our emotions. To do so, you first must recognize that you have them. Learning to feel joy, sadness, anger, fear, guilt and pride will allow you to do something about them.

Now, we guys have a real problem expressing our feelings. Like me, many men grow up being told that we are not allowed to show our feelings — that to do so is a sign of weakness, especially to cry. I can still remember what my dad told me when I was 6 years old. I had fallen down and had a bloody knee, and he said, "Jerry, do not cry, or you will be just like a girl." While this may not be politically correct now, it made a heck of an impression on me.

Women, on the other hand, are much better than men at expressing their feelings, so they are able to deal with their emotions much more constructively.

Now, I must caution you that expressing your feelings, particularly anger, is not always a good idea on the job. Finding a safe avenue to vent is part of managing emotions in the workplace. Women have learned to tell their friends how they feel. This is one sure way of allowing feelings to percolate to the surface and then dissipate.

With men, however, this is just not going to happen. Expressing feelings between guys is tough, and for me, it is much easier to tell my wife or another female how I really feel about something rather than my best male friend. However, the point is that you must find someone who you can regularly talk to about how you feel in order to keep these emotions from building up.

To master my feelings, I had to learn to ask myself 10 times each day, "What do I feel, and what do I need?" While this process took a long time, I can now feel my emotions and figure out what to do with them once they have been identified.

Another thing that I frequently do is get in the car and scream (of course, there is no one else in the car). I will scream at the top of my lungs about how angry I am at a student for performing so poorly on an exam that I thought I had prepared him for. After I do this, I feel much better.

Being able to vent your feelings constructively is vital for your health, as well as for ensuring that suppressed emotions do not leak out in an inappropriate way. You can be a much better leader and manager if you can effectively vent your feelings.

You can do this!

Small-business columnist Jerry Osteryoung is executive director of the Jim Moran Institute at the Florida State University College of Business. Contact him at jostery@comcast.net.

Most of that is true and highly applicable in this country.